Starting over…. again.
well, I lost count a very long time ago of how many times I’ve been here. Fridge stocked with healthy food, comparing gym memberships (with no contract of course), My Fitness Pal app updated to my * NEW * starting weight. But, this time, I’m going to do things a little differently. Instead of hopping on the next big diet craze, I’m going to commit to making small changes, in the hopes they will become habits.
Where am I at right now?
I am at my highest weight ever 346.6 lbs. I had no idea how much I weighed until this morning. I haven’t weighed myself in months, since my last diet escapade which had me at 300lbs. I never exercise, sometimes my work is labor intensive, I work in construction, but mostly I just supervise and do paperwork. I eat whatever I want, whenever I want and don’t pay attention to nutritional value. I’ve been going out to restaurants, bars, spending a bunch of money, enjoying myself. You may be wondering what brought me to this point of dieting, again. The answer to that question is a photo. A photo I saw of myself from the other day, and I couldn’t believe it. I don’t generally like to have my photo taken because I know I don’t like what I see, but this was beyond my usual depression. I decided in that moment that I was going to take a stand against my bad habits.
Get to know me
I have been overweight my entire life, as long as I can remember. I started my first diet in 5th grade, and it’s been quite a vicious cycle ever since. Twenty years of doing this.. kinda makes me a pro! Not something I’m particularly proud of, although I am happy that I at least keep trying. As a kid, my parents always made healthy foods available, but never pushed them on me. They also made very delicious, yet unhealthy foods available, which I loved. When I would go on a diet, there would be constant temptation in my house, and I had no willpower.
The first diet attempt I had was with a nutritionist that my mom brought me to. She wanted me to keep a food diary, (there were no iphones then, I had to carry a little book around with me), and exercise as much as possible. I lasted two appointments with her before I begged my mom not to make me go back. I will never forget something she said to me though. “Eat to survive, not for pleasure.” While scientifically, that is a valid statement, I am an Italian American who grew up with food being the response to every emotion. I disagreed with her statement then, and honestly, I still do now! For me, food is pleasurable, it’s an experience, it’s love, it’s gathering with loved ones, it’s a very important part of my life.
From there, I have tried (and failed) at the following:
Weight Watchers
Slim Fast
Jenny Craig
Atkins
South Beach Diet
Keto
Paleo
DASH diet
Mediterranean diet
Trimspa
Hydroxycut
Belly Fat Diet
No bread, no pasta, no sugar diet
counting calories and limiting them
Fen- Phen
Fasting
Zone diet
Master Cleanse (the spicy lemonade disaster)
Only eat soup diet
NutriSystem
Juicing
I’m probably even forgetting some, and I have tried most of these multiple times. I don’t always give them up for the same reasons, but ultimately, I do. I feel restricted, not in control, not satisfied and frustrated, especially when weight loss is slow, or stalls. I know many, if not all of these diets have helps MANY people, and that’s awesome, I’m happy for them. But I was really beginning to think that there is just no diet that will ever work for me. and that’s why I decided to completely switch things up this time.
what’s different?
Well, for starters, I am not calling this a diet. I refuse to give my evil side the pleasure of seeing me fail at another diet. Also, the word diet is just a huge turn off. It feels so restrictive and bland. It’s depressing to me actually, like I’m sure it is for you, if you’ve ever attempted dieting before. Also, I don’t plan on being so restrictive, at least not at first. I tend to go alllll in when I start a diet, and give it 1000%, expert level attempt. The problem with that is that in a couple weeks, I’ve expelled all of my energy and enthusiasm and I’m ready to get some ice cream and pizza. I also usually force myself into long, intense workouts to accompany my diet. Those don’t even last as long as the eating part usually. In the past, if the scale told me something I didn’t want to hear, it would ruin my entire day, and sometimes, my entire diet.
This time around, I’m going to take it slow. I’m going to monitor my daily calorie intake for a couple days just by logging everything I eat into My Fitness Pal. Then, I will slowly adjust downwards, to get to the calorie budget goal I will set for myself to lose weight. I’m going to try not to obsess over eating perfectly. If I really want something in particular, I will find a way to work it into my budget, or workout more to compensate if I must. I am not going to start working out right now. I’m going to give myself the chance to adjust to new eating habits and get comfortable with that before attempting any sort of exercise routine. As far as measuring progress goes, I’m going to weigh myself every day. There is a lot of controversy about how frequently you should weigh yourself, but I think for me, it will be very beneficial to get used to seeing the fluctuations in my weight. Over time, seeing the scale go up a little and then back down even further will make my mindset stronger and prevent me from getting so discouraged.
why the social media?
A couple of reasons. first, ACCOUNTABILITY. Second, hopefully I can help others struggling with the same issues, either by working out a good, stable formula for this, or just sharing my story and offering support. I know what it’s like, because I’m here. My goal is to become the healthiest version of myself, and make it fun and effortless to do so. But also, once I make it out, I’d like to help anyone I can to get out of the place this I know so well. Out into the world that I imagine is a lot more energetic, free and easy than this one.
